So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
