I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
