My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
