take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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