and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
