the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
