I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Houston, we have a blender
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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