i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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