I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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