is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
