I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
