yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
