We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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