dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
