So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
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