Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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