YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
