I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
