I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Such a big mess for such a small penis
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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