I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
