That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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