And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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