She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
