wat bout pragnant strippers??
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
And then my night got REAL pukey
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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