He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
