Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
