jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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