Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
