fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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