All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Its about making memories worth repressing
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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