i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
