When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
