Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
