Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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