It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It's rum buckets o'clock
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
