Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Vodka?
Forever.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
