well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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