I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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