You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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