Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
