My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
