girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
