Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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