My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
