If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize