so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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