if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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