haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
