i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize