Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
