I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
