If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
