just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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