Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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