Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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