I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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