doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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