remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
