I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
