i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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