Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
