I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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