the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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