it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
