that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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