just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
