As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize