If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Boobs are out for the taking
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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