just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
