i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
