I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My first STD was from a foam party
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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