I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
