you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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