And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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