Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
