i was rollin on her like bob the builder
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize