I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
