God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
