Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
So many bounce houses so little time
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
