The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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