I skipped work to stalk him.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
