I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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