Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize