You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you had me at cake vodka
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
