I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
