THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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