My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
