You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
