dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
