Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
