You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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