i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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