I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
