I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
