so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
