why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
