Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
