hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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