I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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