Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
accomplished twins. life is a go
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
