Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
