just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
