She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
