just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize