My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
and she was petting her beer can
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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