they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
