As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
