You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
