So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
