and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
