Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
