So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize