you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
