ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
