He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
