he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
