Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
