Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
